I recently lost my job; a victim of outsourcing and the global economy.

Last night I was so depressed thinking about unemployment, health care, the economy, the wars, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . . . that I called the suicide prevention hotline.

I guess they've had to outsource, too. I got a call center in Pakistan.

I told them I was suicidal.

They all got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.