One day Timmy came home from school very excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around 'Q'!" His mother said, "Very good, dear. That's because you're a drummer."

The next day, Timmy was even more excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!"

"Very good, dear," his mother replied. "That's because you're a drummer."

On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. "Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I'm the tallest one in my class! Is that because I'm a drummer?"

"No dear," she said. "That's because you're 27 years old."

Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?

A. One who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.

After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy!"

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world!"

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."

Q. What's the difference between a lead guitarist and the rear end of a horse?

A. I don't know, either.

Joey: "Know how to make a million dollars singing jazz?"

Zoey: "Ya got me. How?"

Joey: "Start with two million..."

Q. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A. A fiddle is fun to listen to.

Two people were walking down the street.

One was a musician.

The other didn't have any money, either.

Q. What are the three most difficult years in a bass players life?

A. Second grade.

Q. What do you have when a keyboard player is buried up to his neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

A tour manager comes across the lead guitarist and bass player fighting at the side of the stage, pulls them apart, and asks what the problem was.

"That bastard detuned one of the strings on my bass", says the bass player, "And we're on stage in five minutes."

"So what's the problem?", asks the tour manager. "Tune it back and go play."

"He won't tell me which string he detuned!" cries the bassist.

Q: What's the definition of a "lucky break?"

A: When a busload of lead singers goes off a cliff.

Q: What's the definition of a "crying shame?"

A: There was an empty seat.