<!-- Begin Quote of the Day (was Daily Fortune)
// Compiled by Brett McCarron 
// layout and coding copyright (C) 1996-2003 The Blame Productions
// 10-06-03 New format

var howMany = 85
// this is one less than the actual number

var fortune = new Array(howMany+1)
fortune[0] = "\"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance<br>of the human bladder.\" <i>- Alfred Hitchcock</i>" 
fortune[1] = "\"I don\'t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me<br>the truth -- even if it costs him his job.\"<br><i>- Samuel Goldwyn</i>" 
fortune[2] = "\"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.\"<br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[3] = "\"I grew up with six brothers. That\'s how I learned to<br>dance - waiting for the bathroom.\" <i>- Bob Hope</i>"
fortune[4] = "\"After <i>The Wizard Of Oz</i> I was typecast as a lion, and there aren\'t<br>all that many parts for lions.\" <i>- Bert Lahr</i>"
fortune[5] = "\"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.\"<br><i>- W.C. Fields</i>"
fortune[6] = "\"It\'s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world<br>every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.\" <i>- Jerry Seinfeld</i>"
fortune[7] = "\"If it wasn\'t for the last minute, nothing would get done.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[8] = "\"There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.\" <i>- Salvador Dali</i>"
fortune[9] = "\"Television: A medium. So called because it\'s neither<br>rare nor well done.\" <i>- Ernie Kovacs</i>"
fortune[10] = "\"A lawyer will do anything to win a case. Sometimes he will even tell the truth.\"<br><i>- Patrick Murray</i>"
fortune[11] = "\"I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.\"<br><i>- Rodney Dangerfield</i>"
fortune[12] = "\"It\'s not enough to succeed. Others must fail.\" <i>- Gore Vidal</i>"
fortune[13] = "\"If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.\"<br><i>- Mario Andretti</i>"
fortune[14] = "\"Show me a man who is a good loser and I\'ll show you a man who is<br>playing golf with his boss.\" <i>- Jim Murray</i>"
fortune[15] = "\"People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.\"<br><i>- Ogden Nash</i>"
fortune[16] = "\"The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they do not<br>know the game.\" <i>- Bill Shankly</i>"
fortune[17] = "\"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you,<br>it\'s much more serious than that.\" <i>- Bill Shankly</i>"
fortune[18] = "\"If at first you don\'t succeed ... so much for skydiving!\" <i>- Henny Youngman</i>"
fortune[19] = "\"Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning.<br>Nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[20] = "\"Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can\'t be replaced, you can\'t be promoted.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[21] = "\"If your parents never had children, chances are you won\'t either.\" <br><i>- Dick Cavett</i>"
fortune[22] = "\"Today\'s Procrastinator\'s Anonymous meeting has been put off until tomorrow.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[23] = "\"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[24] = "\"I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people<br>like me as members.\"<i>- Groucho Marx</i>"
fortune[25] = "\"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.\"<br><i>- Groucho Marx</i>"
fortune[26] = "\"A verbal contract isn\'t worth the paper it\'s written on.\"<br><i>-Samuel Goldwyn</i>"
fortune[27] = "\"She got her looks from her father. He\'s a plastic surgeon.\" <i>- Groucho Marx</i>"
fortune[28] = "\"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products<br>as they do on advertising then they wouldn\'t have to advertise them.\"<br><i>- Will Rogers</i>"
fortune[29] = "\"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.\"<br><i>- Groucho Marx</i>"
fortune[30] = "\"Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children.\" <i>- Sam Levinson</i>"
fortune[31] = "\"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly<br>stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was<br> astonished by how much he\'d learned in seven years.\" <i>- Mark Twain</i>"
fortune[32] = "\"Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in<br>peace and quiet.\" <i>- Bill Cosby</i>"
fortune[33] = "\"There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children<br>have teenagers of their own.\" <i>- Doug Larson</i>"
fortune[34] = "\"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their<br>children to come back home.\" <i>- Bill Cosby</i>"
fortune[35] = "\"It takes two to quarrel, but only one to end it.\" <i>- Spanish Proverb</i>"
fortune[36] = "\"Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.\"<br><i>- Groucho Marx</i>"
fortune[37] = "\"Don\'t waste time learning the tricks of the trade. Instead, <br>learn the trade.\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[38] = "\"Imagination is more important than knowledge.\" <i>- Albert Einstein</i>"
fortune[39] = "\"The foolish and the dead alone never change their opinion.\"<br><i>- James Russell Lowell</i>"
fortune[40] = "\"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country<br>are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.\"<br><i>- George Burns</i>"
fortune[41] = "\"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.\"<br><i>- Richard Jeni</i>"
fortune[42] = "\"Men are from earth, women are from earth. Deal with it.\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[43] = "\"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him<br>how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink all day.\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[44] = "\"One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.\" <br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[45] = "\"Man with forked tongue should never kiss balloon.\"<br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[46] = "\"Lipstick, makeup, oil and paint; A girl is mostly what she ain\'t!\"<br><i>- Bazooka Joe</i>"
fortune[47] = "\"He who laughs last... just caught on!\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[48] = "\"Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.\" <br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[49] = "\"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.\" <br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[50] = "\"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.\" <br><i>- Will Rogers</i>"
fortune[51] = "\"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.\" <br><i>- W. Durant</i>"
fortune[52] = "\"The man who has made up his mind to win will never say \' Impossible.\'\" <br><i>- Napoleon</i>"
fortune[53] = "\"Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers.\" <br><i>- Voltaire</i>"
fortune[54] = "\"The things I want to know are in books. My best friend is the man<br>who\'ll get me a book I ain\'t read.\" <i>- Abraham Lincoln</i>"
fortune[55] = "\"Share your knowledge. It\'s a way to achieve immortality.\" <br><i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[56] = "\"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.\" <br><i>- Henny Youngman</i>"
fortune[57] = "\"Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.\"<br><i>- Dalai Lama</i>"
fortune[58] = "\"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their<br>sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don\'t turn up at all.\"<br><i>- Sam Ewing</i>"
fortune[59] = "\"Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.\"<br><i>- Roger C. Andersen </i>"
fortune[60] = "\"Words are plentiful, but deeds are precious.\" <i>- Lech Walesa </i>"
fortune[61] = "\"True power is knowing that you can, but you don\'t.\"<br><i>- Juliet Alicia Jarvis</i>"
fortune[62] = "\"Never ruin an apology with an excuse.\" <i>- Kimberly Johnson</i>"
fortune[63] = "\"Do not hide your talents -- they were meant to be used.\" <i>- Benjamin Franklin</i>"
fortune[64] = "\"Never confuse motion with action.\" <i>- Benjamin Franklin</i>"
fortune[65] = "\"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.\" <i>- Sir Winston Churchill</i>"
fortune[66] = "\"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.\" <i>- Voltaire</i>"
fortune[67] = "\"There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.\"<br><i>- Will Rogers</i>"
fortune[68] = "\"O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.\" <i>- Saint Augustine</i>"
fortune[69] = "\"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument.\" <br> <i>- William Gibbs McAdoo</i>"
fortune[70] = "\"Don\'t go around saying the world owes you a living.<br>The world owes you nothing. It was here first.\" <i>- Mark Twain</i>"
fortune[71] = "\"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.\" <i>- Woodrow Wilson</i>"
fortune[72] = "\"Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.\"<br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[73] = "\"Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.\" <i>- Robert Newton Peck</i>"
fortune[74] = "\"Don\'t take the wrong side of an argument just because your<br>opponent has taken the right side.\" <i>- Baltasar Gracian</i>"
fortune[75] = "\"The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.\" <br> <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[76] = "\"The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,<br>gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that we<br>all believe we are above average drivers.\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[77] = "\"Never underestimate a child\'s ability to get into more trouble.\" <br><i>- Martin Mull</i>"
fortune[78] = "\"Never lick a steak knife.\" <i>- Anonymous</i>"
fortune[79] = "Never be afraid to try something new.<br>Remember that alone amateur built the Ark.<br>A large group of professionals built the Titanic."
fortune[80] = "\"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note<br>on it saying \'toys not included.\'\" <i>- Bernard Manning</i>"
fortune[81] = "\"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.\"<br><i>- Max Lucado</i>"
fortune[82] = "\"Only if we are secure in our beliefs can we see the comical side of the universe.\"<br><i>- Flannery O\'Connor</i>"
fortune[83] = "\"Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy<br>and strong. The amount of work is the same.\"<br><i>- Francesca Reigler</i>"
fortune[84] = "\"I always wondered why somebody doesn\'t do something about that.<br> Then I realized <u>I</u> was somebody.\" <i>- Lily Tomlin</i>"
fortune[85] = "\"When the outcome of a meeting is to have another meeting, it has<br>been a lousy meeting. \" <i>- Herbert Clark Hoover</i>"

function rndnumber()
{
var randscript = -1
while (randscript < 0 || randscript > howMany || isNaN(randscript)){
randscript = parseInt(Math.random()*(howMany+1))
}
return randscript
}
todayfor = rndnumber()
fort = fortune[todayfor]
document.write("<tr bgcolor=#ccff00><td colspan='3' align='center'>");
document.write("<font face='Arial,Helvetica' size=-1>");
// document.write("<br><font size=3><b>");
// document.write("Who said that\?</b></font><br>");
document.write(fort)
document.write("</font></td></tr>");
document.write("<tr bgcolor=#ffffcc><td colspan=2 align='center'><font face='Arial,Helvetica'>");
document.write("<br><b>In the headlines today:</b>");
document.write("<br>&nbsp;</font></td></tr></table>");
document.write("<table width=640 border=0 cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 bgcolor=#ffffcc>");

// End -->